I was talking with some friends of mine recently about a younger lady who was going through a tough time with her boyfriend/fiancé/husband... whatever... One woman made a comment about how our friend was an idiot for putting up with her boyfriend/fiancé/husband... again whatever, and his shenanigans. Why are we so quick to judge and put our friendship with each other on the line when a friend makes a decision that we don’t agree with? Can any woman say that they've never made the choice to stay in an undesirable relationship? Deanna’s (made up name) decision to stay in her relationship should not determine whether we remain her friend. I can only assume that Deanna's decision is based on different reasons. I would like to think that one of those reasons is hope. This is not a reason to judge and but a reason to offer love, support and advice. In fact, the Deannas of the world need us more than anything when determining the best course for her life… but let me emphasize these words… the best course for HER life. Her decision has absolutely nothing to do with anyone but Deanna. We don’t know why she’s making this or that decision and we certainly don’t know what factors she's considering when making these decisions. It is not to irritate or frustrate, regardless if it is irritating or frustrating. We may not understand the decision she is making but the really wonderful thing about friendship is that you don’t have to understand. You only have to listen and support. You only have to be the best friend that you could possibly be. That’s it…nothing more and nothing less.
The third definition in The Free Dictionary Online (http://www.thefreedictionary.com) states that a friend is “A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade”. It does NOT say “A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade UNTIL they do something that we don’t agree with.” I’ve never understood statements such as… “I will help you THIS time but that's it. Don't call me if you go back” or “Call me when you decide to leave that idiot”… The truth is that I need the Deannas in my life to call me when things are bad. I need the Deannas in my life to call me when things are wonderful. I need all of my friends to call me for whatever reason. I need for my friends to understand that I may not agree with every decision that they make, as I will understand that they may not agree with every decision that I make. I need all of my friends to understand that I will offer advice freely knowing that they don't have to take it and vice versa. As long as at the end of whoever’s decision, we get to eat cake... I'm good!!!
